First, let me point out that we love Berkeley and especially our amazing community, ridiculous amount of parks, and enviable fresh produce. The bad news is that Berkeley is part of the Bay area, which is notorious for being 'impossible' to land a career-related job. With kids, it would have to pay enough to include child-care/school costs and transportation plus some to be worth it in the balance of our lives.
Needless to say, right now, I'm unemployed. I daily wonder whether I'm 'unemployed' or is it more appropriate to say I'm a 'stay at home mom'? Don't judge me and I won't judge you, but giving myself that title makes me cringe....I want to work as I actually love my area of expertise and I want my boys to see me as more than mom. *Please don't make me include a PC disclaimer as, if you're reading this, you can figure-out how much I truly adore and respect being a mom.*
In hopes of feeling productive/ academic/ sane, I've worked frequently on our community garden (which we are leading) and the crops are thriving- the leafy greens are already harvest-ready! Jacob is very patient with the crops though weeding was a very sad concept for him as he felt it wrong to decide which plant lives and which dies. My tender yet aggressive/testosterone-filled little 3 1/2 year old.
I've also become a breastmilk donor for the CA Milk bank which provides the best nourishment for preemies and other sickly people in need. And let's be honest, I was truly blessed with the gift of making really powerful milk that chunks-up some babies; may as well share.
Seeing as I also aim to become a Lactation consultant down the road (actually on my 5-year professional development plan for being an RD), it doesn't hurt to know more names of those involved in the field!
While those are my "things", Daniel went and got elected as Student Body President for the seminary! He's holding himself together beautifully, per usual, and continues to amaze regarding what can get accomplished on any given day. Daniel truly is the yin to my yang; excellent with words both oral and written, quickly rational and efficient, doesn't quickly tire of strangers or big groups, organized and without procrastination.... All this is to say that being an involved dad of two, a full-time (excellent) student, plus student body president and he doesn't wear-out. He then goes on to write full plays, read for fun, and devotedly watch Cardinals football.
That's where we are right now. And I have to remind myself of those awesome things while taking deep breaths before those other things cloud over. You know, the "what about Thomas and his breathing? How long do you fight insurance companies before they win? Should we keep sending Jacob to this school that we can't afford even if he isn't loving it or should we pull him after Christmas?If we do pull him, then will he be missing-out socially and academically? Where will we be moving after Daniel finishes school? Should I seek employment elsewhere (with the boys) next semester and leave Daniel by his lonesome so that we can jump-start the moving on from the schooling phase of life and toward professional and financial wellness." That stuff.
It's too much.
And that's why we breathe, shut our minds down, listen....and play in the rain.
7 comments:
Goodness gracious. I most definitely do not know how you do it! With all of this going on, you two seem to handle it so well and take time to enjoy the beautiful moments in life, like playing in the rain.
I truly believe you won't be unemployed much longer. Those that love their area of expertise as much as you do always have a chance to thrive at what they do! I'll keep my fingers crossed for you all and send some love and happy thoughts your way, as always!
-Rachel
To preface, this post was gorgeously written, Ashley. We can empathize with your situations of uncertainty, but have high hopes for (all of) your near futures ...east coast:) (?)
1)People connected to this blog will not judge you, as a mother or anything else. So, rest easy on that one.
2)Daniel and you are most certainly doing what is right by your family. Being prototypes/role models to your children of what it means to be hard workers, what it looks and feels like to share love, what the purposes are for sharing cultural experiences through schooling and environment, and the value of family. One could only wish to have such the surplus in a single family unit.
Hopefully, y'all will soon feel more accomplished in all of your lasting efforts ( as they relate to employment and all the other uncertainties). Easier said than done, I understand.
3) Quantity vs. Quality (well, a little of both in this situation) You will never have this opportunity for quality time with your children (likely) ever again. We know that you have obviously realized this element- but don't feel guilty, make the most of it... otherwise, you're just rubbing it in our faces. 'Too much' time with THAT group? Uh, not possible!
4) People from all over and all around love you all and support you 'to infinity and beyond'. Keep on truckin'.
and...
5)when in doubt...dance it out.
Thinking of you all. Hang tough. xoxo
Ashley -
1. Let's judge Grayson instead.
2. Being a prototype is always rough. "My people" have to talk to "your people" and
all of the non-disclosure agreements get old. Surplus = PROFIT.
3. Anyone discussing quantity OR quality - let me refer you to 0:15.
4. Yes, Grayson may have shaved her head at one point, but she's always a long-hair (long-haired hippie) quoting the grateful dead.
infinity and beyond???? I refer you back to 0:15.
oh. forgot.
5. NOT AFRAID TO QUOTE FROM NEW KIDS ON THE BLOCK
OH OH O OHHHHH
dana, is that a reference to "oh oh o ohhh, the right stuff" from NKOTB? Lordy.
You all crack me up and definitely remind us of the perks in our life<3
Ashley, I am glad you are letting us all in, it helps me hearing what you are going through, like we just sat in the hall floor of the apt. and had that conversation! You are such an amazing mother and urban farmer;). I being a SAHM TRULY respect your desire to get out of the house in the name of fulfilling your passion in helping others to lead a healthier and more fulfilling lifestyle. As I am sure you are enjoying all these moments with Jacob and Thomas comes the other moments of being at home and seeing all that needs to be done vs. being at work and more than likely having more fun things to do than housework:). This to is a season that will pass and you will be out in the working force hopefully sooner than later! Love you want to be a LC eventually too! ILY and all the rest of the Pughs big and small
geeeeeeeeeeeeeee
suuuuuuuuuuuuu
n - uh.
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